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10. OBTAINING CONSENSUS Someone Has to Lose The truth is, when people have to work together over time, if you "win" at the expense of someone else losing, all you've done is plant the seeds for the next conflict. Resentment builds. People want to get back at you. In labor/management negotiations, for example, the rule for years has been that if one side goes away feeling they've "lost," the negotiations have been unsuccessful. Think of all the ways either side can get back at the other over the years, if they really feel they've been done in. Much the same is true of communities. People in a community will be working together for years. If one side of the community triumphs over another, all it does is poison the atmosphere in the community and ensure that the battle will be fought again as soon as the loser has regrouped. The premise behind collaborative problem solving is that it is possible to -= 71 1 come up with a solution that meets everybody's needs. There may not need to be any losers. The problem with assuming that someone has to Pi lose is that you then act in ways -- in order to ensure you're not the loser ^z -- that preclude a collaborative solution. The assumption that there has to be a loser is a self - fulfilling prophecy. - If We've Got the Votes, We've Got the Power After an election, groups may gloat over the fact that they've got a one - vote majority on a city council or county commission. Their glee may be short - lived. The truth is that when governing bodies are badly divided, they often vote on issues only to find that in actuality they haven't the power to make their decision happen. In our society, there are many sources of power and many checks- and - balances, including the courts (who may halt the proposed action) and other levels of government (who F may need to grant permits or provide funding). One -vote victories often bog down in a quagmire of challenges and new requirements. Think about what happens, though, if everybody has been brought into the decision. If you go to another regulatory body, you've already addressed the concerns that could slow things up there. If you go to the state legislature for funding, your state legislator is happy to sponsor your cause, because he or she comes out a winner. Think about the same state legislator when you ask for funding for a project approved by 3 -2; the legislator knows that by supporting the proposal he or she is likely to