2014-362 Arts - Compass Center for Women and Families for Spring 2014 Arts Grant Agreement $1,500

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Labor "Maureen said we could go anytime you were ready," Pat rubbed my back,"Do you think we can try?" Home. "Yes,"I smiled up at him, "I'm feeling okay- let's go home." "Where the fuck is it?" Pat came storming down the stairs. We had been home for only a few minutes. I barely remember my sister and her husband leaving, staggering away in an exhausted bundle after kissing me and Xabien goodbye a second or third time. I was lost in gazing at this baby. My baby. This amazing, squishy little creature that had, only a few hours before,tumbled from my body into the world. I pulled my eyes reluctantly away from Xabien's face. Pat's hair was wild, sticking up all over like he had been yanking it in frustration. His eyes were ripping back and forth across the room- looking for something. Oh no, no no no... I laid Xabien down on the little pad I had made on the couch, and tried to keep my voice slow and calm, despite the panic creeping up my throat, "Where is what?" Pat grabbed me by the arm and yanked me up off the couch. I could feel his angry breath hot on my face as he growled, "My fucking money,you bitch. You stole it." I twisted to look behind me at Xabien. His crumpled,purple newborn face was still with sleep.Please don't wake up. "Look at me,"Pat's voice was low, close to my ear, "I know you hid it-you better get it, right now." "Baby,please,"I tried to placate him, "I swear- I was in labor when you got home- I couldn't have moved it. I didn't even know you had any money" His lips,white with paranoid fury,trembled around clenched teeth as his breath became louder. He pulled me closer to his body momentarily, up on to my tiptoes,before flinging me to the ground. I landed on my hands and knees.A white-hot pain seared its way- like a quick burning fuse- from my vagina up through my spine and stuck in the back of my head.