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1 t faA4*i-e �i vvivc <br /> Ire <br /> Napalm Butterflies <br /> "Hi Xabien,"I whispered,choking on his name, "I'm your mommy." <br /> Everything disappeared and we were left, floating in space, in darkness- me and my baby. <br /> He wiggled his head,mouth nudging for my breast. I moved instinctually,guiding him to my <br /> nipple. He latched on, tiny jaws working. Only then did he open his eyes, casting around for a <br /> moment before settling on my face. They were slate grey and locked on me with an expression of <br /> recognition. Together, we fell asleep. <br /> When I awoke, Xabien was still with me-nursing contentedly. I looked around the room. <br /> We were alone,the bath drained,my clothes neatly folded on the bed beside me. There was a <br /> styrofoam box of Chinese take-out on the nightstand, Sesame Tofu-my sister knew exactly what <br /> I wanted to eat.I love you so much right now. <br /> It took me a moment to figure out how to snug my arm under the baby in order to move, <br /> without disturbing, him as I shifted to a sitting position. Smiling, I lifted a tiny hand to my <br /> mouth-kissing each individual finger. I marveled at his tiny ears,his eyebrows- all the things <br /> that on anyone else would seem ordinary-were miracles on him.I created this, I smoothed my <br /> hand over his sandy mass of hair, this was built inside my own body. <br /> "Hey,"his voice ricocheted past me, "Glad you're up- let's go home." <br /> Pat swung into the room, smiling- eyes bright. He came to sit beside me, reaching out to <br /> stroke Xabien's head with the back of his hand. I gripped his hand in mine and we squeezed each <br /> other with mutual delight. <br /> "Look what we did,"my voice cracked with pride, a tear plopping onto my chest and <br /> rolling down to my son's mouth before I could wipe it away. <br /> "He's beautiful," Pat whispered,burying his face into my thigh, "Thank you. Thank you." <br /> It's going to be different now. I watched Pat coo at the baby. Xabien wrapped his tiny <br /> hand around his father's single upheld finger.I had nothing to worry about- now that the baby is <br /> here, everything will change. <br />