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t <br /> ry_& V�u1/ Zcl <br /> Labor <br /> For the next three hours, I shifted between fitful sleep and agitated wakefulness. Waves <br /> of hatred for Pat came over me. I hated him for bringing me back into the world of heroin, for <br /> pushing me into a marriage I never really wanted, for putting this baby inside me and then <br /> disappearing anytime I actually wanted him to be around. <br /> Alternately, I was awash in pangs of desire. I wanted to have the life I always imagined. I <br /> wanted the loving husband, the scads of children running about and getting underfoot. I knew I <br /> would never have that with Pat, even from the beginning. <br /> He was in love with the life. He married me for credibility on the streets,because I was <br /> known and knew things. I was the homecoming queen of junkie high. What he wanted was <br /> respect from the other losers that said he was pathetic- who clearly knew him better than I did. <br /> He got his prize, and I realized way too late that he robbed me of mine. <br /> At four o'clock, Pat came stumbling through the door. His eyes were glassy and he was <br /> toting a book bag. He started to deliver some lie about how he was not high,that he shared <br /> everything fifty-fifty with me. I held up an impatient hand. <br /> "I'm in labor." <br /> He dropped the bag and started smiling. It was the giddy smile of a kid on Christmas <br /> morning. He came over to the couch and tried to put his hands on my belly. I pushed him away. <br /> "Have you called your sister yet?"he asked. <br /> "No, Pat,"I snapped, "What the fuck was I going to tell her why you weren't here?" <br /> "Just tell her I had to go out and help a friend."he shrugged, as though that were the <br /> simplest and most obvious conclusion. <br /> "Yeah, right," I seethed, "Sarah's going to believe that shit?You just left your nine- <br /> months pregnant wife at home alone so you could go help somebody else- at two o'clock in the <br /> morning. Everybody knows that you don't help anybody but yourself." <br /> Pat sneered at me, and I flinched- expecting a slap to the mouth-but he just stormed <br /> away. He grabbed the back pack and sat on the floor, rifling through its contents.Please,please, <br /> please don't have another gun. <br /> The contractions had become so strong that I doubled over when they hit. I could feel <br /> them coming on, slow at first and building to a rushing thunder. It was like standing on the <br />